Still Own Stock, Then Better Buy Knives: Recommendations from a knife collector

If you are one of the brave few who still own publicly traded stocks, then I recommend you sell and buy knives.

Granted it might be preferred to buy gold, but who can find it. The good thing about knives is they have intrinsic value. Stock, on the other hand, is only a certificate- a piece of paper, if you will.

After the last 8 trading days, the stock market has seen a 22% decline. And investors have only lost $8.4 trillion (Yes, that’s trillion, with a “T”) since the market’s peak one year ago (let’s don’t feel that badly though, when compared to a single day- July 9th, 1932, the market dropped 91% from its level three years earlier)…heck, blue-chip stocks are only down 40% from last October’s record so far).

So, what say you? I say if you still own stock, then you had better sell and then buy knives.

Here’s why and it is very simple:

  • Stocks are actually only a piece of paper
  • Most people don’t actually have their stocks in their possession anyway
  • Stocks’ intrinsic value is that of the paper and ink
  • However, they could be used for producing warmth by burning them, if you have enough; please don’t tell me you still have that many though.

On the other hand, knives-

  • Can open a can of beans, cut up green beans, skin a squirrel for dinner, dig a hole, clean your nails, cut your hair, defend yourself… just to name a few 
  • Aside from their intrinsic value, if push came to shove, they can be broken down into pieces (don’t know why one would want to do that though) 
  • Also, knives don’t eat, don’t use electricity or gas, don’t take up much space around the house, your wife (or husband) isn’t likely to want them, they are enjoyable to look at, they can be traded for a can of beans, and once the blades are sharpened down to nothing, they can be used as paper weights (stock certs can’t)
So here is my investment advice, “Buy Knives.”           

C Platts Jumbo Swellcenter toenail

C Platts Jumbo Swellcenter toenail

 Yes, I know they could lose their “collector value,” BUT they can always be used for what they were made for- to cut, dig and poke things.

I can just see me trying to cut up spaghetti with my Platts Jumbo Swellcenter toenail, can’t you? 
Source: Wall Street Journal’s Weekend Edition Oct. 11/12, 2008

Published in: on October 12, 2008 at 9:10 am  Leave a Comment  
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