The Faceoff
Flashing his knife
Knocked loose in scuffle
Now the other guy's got your blade
The Unintended Consequence
On the lighter side: A wired old knife collector having a blast
I’m often asked, “Scott, just how do you do it? How do you keep all the knife related projects going?”
To begin with- I have fun doing all my knife-related projects. And yes, most of them do involve the web.
And it is true, as I find new technologies I’m going to do a test drive. At first, many of these tools are a little far out for most collectors. I know that. But it’s clear there are thousands of wired older collectors, plus younger collectors are using them already.
Twitter is one. Blogs were but are close to mainstream now….well, almost. Social Networking- facebook, MySpace, YouTube and iKnifeCollector members are continuing to mushroom in number.
As an aside, I’ve gotta share a funny email I received the other day from a fellow iKC member-
“Scott, You might want to look at getting a 5-point safety harness installed on your computer chair. So you won’t be blown away with all this new member registration.”
Jerry Smith – J. W. Smith & Sons Custom Knives
OK, so maybe only the early adopter collectors use these new web things, but really the point here is for me to come clean.
I don’t want folks to feel sorry for me about the number of things I have going.
I’ve wanted you to see me as an old knife collector sitting behind a wooden desk with my feet propped up as I peck away on my keyboard. Kind of fits with the image of an old knife collector, doesn’t it?
No, I don’t have a super-duper computer chair with straps. But the truth is I do have a get-up that handles extreme speed and keeps it all going very efficiently. I haven’t wanted to show you because I hate the knife collector-geek reputation.
Only so you won’t worry about me any longer- here is how I get it all done…I just don’t use a keyboard 
Dressing down to protest Airport security measures
Today’s front page of The Wall Street Journal reports on looking for knives. Yeap, the instrument of our favorite hobby made big news. Well, actually it’s the folks protesting the full body scan looking for knives, and weapons, that’s the point of the story.
I’ll let you read it, but gotta show you the bold initiative of these protestors- saying they are dressing down to show their displeasure is an understatement, for sure.
BARING THEIR DISMAY: Members of the Pirate Party parade through Berlin's Tegel Airport in their underwear Sunday to protest government plans to test full-body scans as an invasion of citizens' privacy.
Photo credit: European Pressphoto Agency
New Year’s Resolutions of a Knife Collector
Be it resolved that in the Year 2010, I will not:
- Proudly pull the knife I just purchased out of my pocket to show someone only to see him drop it.
- Give any more of my favorite knives to TSA employees because I forgot to take them out of my pocket before going through airport security.
- Want to buy all the new-fangled knives I see at the Blade Show.
- Start buying knives I don’t collect on a whim.
- Give in to the temptation to buy a knife just cause it is a good deal, when I already have 12 of that same knife that I bought because they were a good deal too.
- Buy a knife collection when I hear myself saying, “Well, I’ll sell all the ones I already have to help pay for it.”- cause I never do.
- Buy a knife at the first table I come to when at a knife show- cause I always find one I’d rather have on down the row.
- In my excitement for my new knife tell my better half about it, only to then have her ask how much it cost.
- Travel to a knife show without taking a knife to trade.
- Lust over knives owned by other collectors (but will let them know IF they ever decide to sell, I want first dibs).
- Fall asleep waiting on an eBay auction to end when I wanted to bid before it closed.
- Rationalize every knife I want to buy with this “Well, I may not ever see another one again.”
- Rationalize a seller’s asking price for an old knife with “I know he’s asking a fortune, but it is in really good condition.”
- Put my knife collection up (out of sight) in an effort to make more room in my office for the other “knife stuff” I buy.
- Show my knife friends the most recent knife I bought when they are only going to say, “That knife ain’t right.”
- Read a knife forum’s thread trashing and bashing a knife, or a seller, on eBay.
- Take a seller’s word for a knife’s condition when he only provides a vague description on eBay.
- Pay top dollar for a knife when the seller uses the “It’s in excellent condition for its age.”
- Tell someone what I paid for a knife only to hear him say, “Well, that guy offered it to me for less than that.”
The Knife Collector’s Christmas Dilemma
Christmas isn’t about getting presents, we all know that and yet, receiving gifts is still very much a part of it.
You may be getting a knife for Christmas. That’s the good news. The bad news is most of our family members don’t know a Spyderco from a C. Platts.
“What’s the big deal?” you ask. Well, we knife collectors have honed our knife collection down to either a specific type knife, handle material, make or era. While we like knives, we’ve kind of gotten particular.
So what do you do when someone is going to buy you a knife for Christmas?
In our family, we used to ask each other what they wanted so we didn’t buy them something they’d just use at next year’s Dirty Santa party. Asking each other in advance is a good way to get what the other person wants.
But what if you collect knives that can’t be purchased at Smoky Mountain? What are you then to do?
I’ll tell you how it works at my house. We buy our own presents, well my wife and I do anyway. Yeah, each of us will buy the other person something, but we buy our own “big” gift and then it is given to us by the other person…we just buy it for them to give to us.
But when you buy yourself a knife and it represents the present from your wife or kids, then you better watch out. This is exactly what happened to me last year.
The Knife Collector’s Christmas Dilemma
Last year I bought me an old stag Case Brothers toenail. I really didn’t buy it for Christmas, per se, instead it came my way right before Christmas, so instead of buying it and then sticking it in my collection, I decided to use it as the gift from my family to me.
Looking back, I’d been better off putting it in my knife display, then gone and bought me a Buck knife as my Christmas gift instead, because when it came my time to open my present, I knew exactly what my wife was going to say. I just knew it. But I only thought about this dilemma after I’d wrapped it and stuck it under our tree. Too late to do anything about it then.
Sure enough. Round the family we went. The way it works is the person opening the gift must announce who gave it to him/her and then hold it up for all to see. Well, it came my time and I realized I shouldn’t have made this knife a gift.
As I opened it, I announced it was from the family. Then I held it up and quickly looked to my daughter to my right and said, “Your turn.” Then it came. That dreaded question. No sooner had I held it up when my wife said-
“Oh, that’s nice. How much was it?”
Take the advice of an old knife collector and when you want a knife to add to your collection, buy it and stick it in your display. I know the temptation is strong to make it part of Christmas, but don’t do it. You can rationalize it by saying you are going to spend money on a gift anyway, so why not get a knife for your collection at the same time, and I know that. Just don’t do it. It is not a good way to start off Christmas Day. Trust me.
Speaking of buying knives and getting into hot water, one day I’ll tell you the story about buying the A. B. Haines Elephant Toenail Collection. It’s been going on 10 years now, I guess it’s time to see the humor in it.
Folks who don’t collect knives just don’t get it
Knife collectors have screws loose
It’s a well established fact knife collectors can be viewed as a little out of whack. A bit odd. And not just from the anti-knife crowd, but by our closest friends.
It even gets worse when you throw old knives into the mix.
Well, I had a funny thing happen getting my hair cut a few days ago I thought you’d find amusing.
You know the routine- you sit there getting your hair snipped while your barber or beautician stylist politely entertains you by asking questions about your family, work, any planned trips for the holidays and any other areas he/she knows you are into.
Paul, my hair cut guy, knows I’m a knife collector, along with everyone else in my little universe, and after we’d covered all the other topics, he finally worked around to asking about my hobby.
“Bought any knives lately?” he asked.
I don’t know about you but I really don’t like getting into the details about my knife collecting hobby with non-knife collectors. It often leads to questions about- if I use them, how much they cost and how many I have, and questions like that. So I thought for a moment about how to respond and then remembered I did just buy me a new old knife off ebay that didn’t cost my last other leg.
“Well, yes, I have,” thinking I found an example safe to talk about. “I bought me an old one off eBay.” Then I made the mistake of adding one more tidbit about this purchase when I should have left well enough alone, but out it came before I realized it- “Yeh, its blades were broken off.”
Case TESTED XX Green Bone Toenail (1920- 1940)
Now remember most non-knife collecting folks already think we have a couple of screws loose.
When he absorbed what I said, he looked at me with the oddest look. I knew I had said too much. “It’s blades are broken off?” he questioned. I was at the point of no return and the hole was only getting deeper. “Yes,” I said, “you know I collect old knives and thought it’d be cool to have an old toenail with both blades broken.”
Then realizing he might be about to embarrass me by continuing to ask about something he thought was probably the stupidest thing he’d ever heard, he said,
“Oh, I get it. It’s like a car collector buying a car without any wheels on it, right?”
I swear those were his exact words. And at that point all I could do was say- “Yeh.”
Best answer for guy looking to start relationship with gal next door
Over at EliteFitness forum some guy created a post about needing advice. The name of his post was-
All I want out of life is to marry my next door neighbor.
You know how it goes- everybody and his brother comes and replies by giving advice on what this guy needs to do and how to do it, in order to establish a meaningful relationship with this woman.
The suggestions were all over the board from dead serious to crazy sick, but the best one came after someone suggested he invite her over to watch a movie.
Then Bruce9241 provided the best answer of them all-
“Dude don’t ask her to come over and watch a movie. That’s creepy. Ask her to come over and look at your knife collection.”
Bruce9241 is our kinda guy- gotta give him an honorary membership to iKnifeCollector
Image source: http://www.4to40.com/poems/index.asp?id=154
Sound advice from an old knife collector
Knives can talk and when you hear them, it will cost you more than you could have bargained for.
Victim of hearing knife talk
That’s what an old timer told me years ago. I now know this to be true too and not just some tall tale.
Here’s most frequently how it happens-
Let’s say you are walking up and down the isles at a knife show when you hear your name called out. You are startled at first cause you realize you don’t know anyone there. But you turn to the direction of the voice anyway.
Looking around you don’t see anyone paying you any notice, so thinking your mind is playing tricks, you start to turn back only to glance down. There you see a knife shimmering in this guy’s display. Instantly the room darkens and a narrow beam of light shines on that one knife. And at the same time that knife calls your name again.
Yes, it was the knife that spoke your name. It talked.
You’re star struck. Hypnotized. Mesmerized. It now has you under its spell. Unfortunately for you, the dealer who owns that knife recognizes your bedazzlement immediately. He’s seen it thousands of times before.
Right then you lost before you even opened your mouth.
You can act nonchalant, but you ain’t got a chance. Even if you are a professional negotiator- too bad- you’ve already lost. Might as well keep from embarrassing yourself and pay the dealer his price.
Next time you are around knives and hear your name called- RUN!….. Or it will cost you more than you could have bargained for. I know.
If there is any doubt about the effects of knife talk-
I can attest knives talk. I remember very clearly. I’d been actively collecting for several years at that point and the funny thing is this time I wasn’t even at a knife show, or looking at a knife- in person. Some voices are strong enough to get you without you actually seeing them- a picture will do.
WARNING: I’m going to recreate the situation for you right here, but I must say- the very same thing may happen to you, so continue at your own risk. I can’t be held responsible. You might want to consider plugging your ears.
If you think you can handle it, then click “MORE” and you will probably hear its voice too. For your sake, and mine, I hope you don’t. If you do, it will change your life forever- it did mine.
My computer & the online knife community
To all my friends here at Cutlery News Journal &
Thanks Jim Prather for the idea and the cartoon, and for being my friend
iBlade: A new cutting-edge iPod
iKnifePhone
You may remember a few months back, I designed the iKnifePhone. It was a refitted iPhone with a toenail/sunfish honker master blade- talk about a killer App- well, evidently that invention is outdated now, as far as hi-tech knives go.
Rumor is Apple is rolling out the new iBlade very soon and will make it available at its Apple stores nationwide.
The iBlade will be the newest generation iPod, and a cutting-edge one at that!
********
In a related note, there is an unconfirmed report iKnifeCollector, the next generation knife collector community, has a leg-up in vying against Amazon and the iTunes store to be the exclusive online distributor of the iBlade (kind of like the relationship AT&T has with the iPhone). So, to get one you’ll need to sign up at iKC, otherwise, you’ll have wait in record breaking lines. My guess is sales of the iBlade for the first weekend will exceed the million unit sales of the new 3rd Gen 3Gs iPhone in its early days, so why fight the crowds?
Photo credit: iBlade- to whoever made it.
You can tell I’m just having some knife collecting fun today
